Psychology teaches us that anger is a secondary emotion
by Meeswa
Summary: One-shot. Fender/Fendship/Frender whatever you want to call it. Bender's point of view during "The Beast with a Billion Backs"


**Authors note: First of all: Angst? yes. Second of all: Written in some kind of really weird perspective that i can't figure out what to call it? yes. This is just basically a really really sad take on the end of "The Beast With a Billion Backs" from the point of view of a very anguished Bender, written in one big burst of desire to angst at like one am. The fic starts right after Fry leaves with Yivo. **

Well, he's gotten what he wanted, all he ever dreamed of, all he ever bragged about dreaming of, its all here, the distinct lack of humans, unconditional acceptance by all his robot peers as their leader, couldn't have been better.

Bender's foot cuffs clacked somewhat harshly on the floor of the apartment building floor, kinda like he should be angry, he feels like he should be angry if anything, not this, not how he feels right now, because there's a downtrodden way he moves, the way his optics won't focus on anything, like hes not even there and its just his empty shell moving.

He does eventually stop after a minute or so because hes finally reached the apartment hes sought after, technically _his _and no one else's home, now. Robots didn't exactly believe in building large mansions for their leaders, maximum efficiency and whatnot, so hes not in some newly built palace, just his "good" old apartment.

Shoving the key in and pushing the door that barely misses the back wall the robot shuffles into the 2 cubic meter wide room, there's more to it of course, normally he wouldn't dwell in the small area, but he can't quite bring himself to open the second door at the moment, and instead shoves the door shut behind him and slides halfheartedly down it, like his legs can't bear to support him no more.

Its not like Fry left without saying goodbye, he definitely did say goodbye before he left with all the other biological beings, but since he was going with Yivo and all he didn't need to pack any of his stuff, everything he could have ever wanted would be up there, everything, he didn't need anything down here on earth, _nothing whatsoever. _

Bender tried to reason, he offered to put a cot in Europe, he tried to go with him, to which he got the response "Robots don't go to heaven."

No, he guesses they don't.

The apartment is presumably exactly the way he and Bender left it, like he never left, true its not like hes dead or anything, but to the bending unit he may as well be because hes gone where he can't follow, and the robot can't bring himself to enter right now, he might get hopeful, hopeful that it all wasn't true, that that hug that that felt awfully fast and uncaring never happened and Fry was still around, he doesn't want to get hopeful, and the bending unit just sits there for a while, eyes blankly forward with a saddened expression, still coming to terms with what just happened because he never bothered to calculate it before, he never bothered to think about what he would do if Fry let alone all of humanity just up and left him, he wishes he didn't have to think about it.

Finally, after a amount of time that the bending unit hasn't bothered to calculate either he reaches into his chest compartment and pulls out a bottle of alcohol, stares at it for about three seconds before suddenly his features turn harsh and he chucks it all the wall... only to have it bounce straight back and hit him square in the face.

He cry's out in pain and annoyance, hes sure hes dented right between the optics now, great just fucking great, he would have fallen onto his side if it weren't for the fact that the apartment was to small, clutching as his face muttering curse words under his breath as leans on the wall.

Whatever brief distraction the pain brought from the situation is forgotten, and instead makes it worse as Bender had just barely not broken today and sometimes its the littlest things that can break you and in a few seconds the cursing turns to muffled sobs, held back at first as he holds himself tightly, near silent choking noises produced by his voice processor, but they come full force fairly soon as the bending unit curls into himself, holding his legs to his chest.

* * *

The next day Bender boots up bitter, very bitter, and he pities any per- robot, robot that he meets on the way to the League of Robots head quarters.

The memories of last night are pushed to the back of Bender's conscious all day, more specifically the memories that caused the-feeling-he-refuses-to-consciously-think-about, and no matter how much recognition he gets from his army of the damned that has spread across to technically almost every robot, seeing as since no one else is presenting themselves as a leader and they accept Bender because why not, its not like most of them would listen to him if he told them to go to war, most of them, he still feels no pride, no ego driven feelings as the robots around him call him their leader.

Its frustrating. He _does_ have all he could ever want, its unquestionable.

Bender spends the majority of his day doing his absolute best to block out the signals coming from the chip that contains his more harsh emotions, the only one getting through being anger that he uses to mask everything else.

Still, the stress shows as all he does is sit in the chair in front of the fire in the League of Robots headquarters, dismissing everyone else except his help-bot as he drums his fingers on the arm rest, asking erratically if there where any messages on his phone, discretely at first, not specifying from who, but eventually just goes to asking if humanity themselves have called, and in one instance he starts with his usually mantra of "has" when instead of saying "humans"or "humanity" next something deep down in his programming makes it so a F sound escapes his voice processors followed by a quickly cut off R sound, and then nothing, nothing is said for so long as Bender sits with his back to the help robot, and after the mandatory thirty seconds that the help-bot is required to wait to ask questions he asks who is he supposed to be checking for, and adds either way that no one has called.

Bender doesn't respond at first, his face still hidden, and after a moment he just dismisses the help-bot quietly.

* * *

He's spent most of his time sitting in front of the fire, he didn't actually bother to go home last night and just powered down in the chair, and he instructed no one to bother him unless it was important, so it explains why at first he's peeved when he hears the help-bot address him, even with that ego boosting title of "Hyper overlord"

Until he realizes it said he had a letter, and Bender turns around so quick and snatches the letter from the help-bot that its a fast response even for a robot, immediately scanning over the writing on the outside of the message that does indeed say its for him, more importantly though, its from Fry.

Bender immediately starts spouting out things about how it must have turned out that Yivo was a massive nag with curlers in her hair as he put it, saying that Fry and the rest of humanity would be lucky if he'd take him back, in that moment he was so sure Fry needed him to take him back, perhaps that's all he wanted to believe, saying and believing all this before he even read the letter.

Bender opens up the letter and reads it all in the second it takes for him to read the crudely written handwriting, undoubtedly written by Fry can recognize it on sight after having to read many shopping lists written by him, a clear give away, and as soon as he finishes it all that his voice processor emits in reaction is a faint "Oh" and he sags back down into the chair.

He got hopeful, he shouldn't have, he told himself he wasn't going to do that, and it only let him down all the more as the contents of the letter prove his hopes wrong once again.

The fact that the letter is in fact from the other universe is only confirmed when he throws it across the room in fury and it slices through both his trash can and help-bot, the bending unit showing immediate displeasure at having his best trash can destroyed, before quickly getting up and angrily stalking out of the room, to, well, anywhere will suffice, the bending unit just feels like he needs to pace and move to work out the spiteful feelings that his heated circuits are emitting and to nourish the idea at the back of his head that is ultimately only one spawned of denial.

* * *

The idea is one of a violence and malice filled nature that is ultimately brought from a deep emotional hurt in the robots circuits, robots may not feel in the way of humans in many ways, but they still have anger as a secondary emotion, as in to feel anger they must feel something else first like fear, hurt and humiliation or perhaps a mix of them all to react with anger, or at least that's how it works with Bender, his emotional mimicry of the human race only having been heightened by his years spent with them.

In the time it takes Bender to plan out his idea he truly believes that humanity and Fry is in need of rescue and not happy at all, or at least the truth is pushed so far back that it is inconsequential, and he starts by gathering his army of the damned and as many pirate themed space ships that will fly, the next step outfitting his army of the damned with the proper pirate attire including himself, he always liked the idea of pirates and being a pirate ever since human lore was downloaded into him when he started to work at Planet Express, it being a mandatory upgrade process to work somewhere where he was the only robot worker, and it brings him a simple kind of satisfaction to see everything with such a theme to it, himself speaking in a paratey manner that his slightly out of date files on pirates tell him would be fitting.

Bender is so enthralled with the pirate act that he almost forgets something very important, something important that's still lodged in his fireplace at the League of Robots, and momentarily calls off taking off to go back their and retrieve the letter of obvious lies Fry sent him.

What he does with it is mostly practical, taking the letter and lining part of his authentic pirate blade (he checked, it is authentic) with it, otherwise it wouldn't have been able to cut any of Yivo's tentacles, not with matter from his own universe, and he spends a fair amount of time constantly rearranging the paper on his blade so the letters spell out something that he would find much more appealing then the messages original intention, but ends up failing when he's tried 462 of the calculated 143700272 combinations that the letter could say, and he doubts that even if he took the time to try all the combinations none of them would spell out something that lied to him about how Fry was doing, how he needed rescue, and instead lines them up randomly in the least aggravating way he can imagine.

* * *

Setting off to take out Yivo and get their "human booty" back is hardly delayed any further and as the ships take off towards the anomaly Bender feels a rage settling in him, one that can only be brought on by fighting for something worth fighting for, and he feels the best he has in days when those harpoons penetrate the anomaly and bring Yivo out into their universe, groaning in pain, and Bender would take note of the sadistic amount of pleasure he got from doing that but hes never really been one to do that anyway, even in normal situations.

He takes even greater pleasure in dispatching his troops out onto Yivos body, having instructed them not to harm anything but Yivo, despite the odd looks he got from that, nearly all of them where only built to eradicate humans after all.

Its this battle fulled rage and hatred that keeps Bender fighting and of course the pirate facade that brings him so much delight just to emit the accent that he's deemed appropriate from his voice processors, and hes somewhat happy just slashing the beast up, spiteful happy but a form of happiness indeed, even after he loses his foot-cuff in the battle.

Eventually though he comes in contact with Fry, who tells him desperately to stop destroying heaven, why would he say that? He's rescuing him obviously, so he tells him to shut up, tells him to shut his face because he's a doofus and he's busy with rescuing him, right before one of Yivo's tentacles grabs him, the monster itself telling him to leave them alone.

And then it says that it loves them, it says that it loves the biological beings, and that love is something he could never understand, and Bender feels something snap inside him either with anger or hurt because _how dare _it say that, couldn't it see how much he loved them, couldn't it see how much he wanted him back.

It was heartless, so heartless, it only filled Bender with more motivation to harm Yivo as he's veritably being beaten up by tentacle.

That's when Fry opens his mouth, and the lie he's built up to make sure he doesn't break down again all falls down as Fry agrees with Yivo and tells him to go home, practically begs him, and Bender's not sure what to think and he wants to yell that its not home without him but he can't seem to conjure up the anger or voice too, and he waits for that anger to come, he waits for that secondary reaction after the hurt and the pain but it doesn't come, as the truth that Fry left him of his own will comes bearing down on him, and he emphasizes that he did this whole pirate themed attack for him, not humanity, he doesn't mention humanity he did it for Fry yet he still looks so disappointed in him.

Suddenly though, Yivo notices something and takes his "little pink sword" from him, asking Fry where he got the electro matter lining his sword, and as the conversation between the two progresses as he watches something hopeful in Bender stirs, its a hope based off billions of peoples pain but if Bender had the morality to question it even then he doubts it wouldn't go away.

Before Bender can even react he's thrown back onto the helm of the ship by Yivo itself, and he's joyous, because Yivo is doing his work for him and humanity's coming back, its coming back and they may be coming back hurting but their gonna be back again and _he _can be the one to slaughter them all- wait wheres Fry.

The robot scans the crowd aboard his ship but doesn't find him anywhere, and looks over the edge of the railing to see a little red and blue dot with a bit of orange at the top still sitting on Yivo and he almost panics, what if its is just sending back all of humanity _except _Fry and Bender wastes no time in immediately rushing to the helm and turning the ship straight round.

It doesn't take long for Bender to grab a net and hang out the bottom the pirate ship, as soon as Fry comes in range scooping him up in the net, maybe he would have felt more consideration for Fry's own broken heart if I he hadn't still been reeling from his own hurt and heard a bit of the conversation before he swooped in.

Yivo was rejecting him and telling him to go find a nice girl from his own universe, because of something Fry did but Bender brought out into the light and that was enough to satisfy Bender as he flew away with the human in the net, letting out a triumphant "Saved you!" and perhaps Fry's hurt will get through to Bender later, and make him feel truly sorry, very likely not for the rest of humanity or even his coworkers but for Fry he might.

And once its all said and done, once everyone's back, Fry moves back into Bender's apartment without a word, welcomed eagerly back, and weeks later while the two of them are sitting on the couch, Bender does make a apology, its not particularly fancy, but its the most honest Fry thinks he's ever seen Bender because over the past weeks the robot did in fact realize the massive amount heartbreak he caused, not to all the biological beings in the universe, but to Fry, and honestly what more can the red head ask for from Bender.

And Fry does in fact take Yivo's parting advice of finding a nice girl from his universe, a little closer to home so to speak, very close actually, only its not quite per instruction as instead of enjoying nice things that a nice girl would they enjoy laying on the couch, stealing, watching TV, and drinking, and most of all needs and loves him with all his worn, slightly defective, circuits.

Enough to lead a army of the damned into heaven just for him.

**Blah blah leave a review if you liked blah blah.**


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